


for him

by nebulas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:51:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulas/pseuds/nebulas
Summary: He doesn't know how to name what they have, but it feels precious when he cradles it in his hands, and he doesn’t think he ever wants to let it go.





	for him

 

 

The words are never said, but hang heavy in the air between them, colouring every action and conversation in rosy hues. They settle into a familiar rhythm, a gentle cadence as their world shifts on its axis, quietly and unnoticed, until they are part of each other's everyday. 

They text when they can between classes and practice, leaving small pieces of themselves in each other's day, secret notes hidden between book pages waiting to be found.

They Skype sometimes, edges worn and gentled by the weariness of the day and the liminal space between night and daybreak that leaves the world gauzy and dream-like, movements slow, voices quiet, vision hazy. They fall asleep with the laptop open and ever-bright next to them more often than not, soft exhales filling the space like a physical presence, despite the distance between them. Tsukishima wakes to Kuroo’s dopey smile and atrocious hair; Kuroo wakes to Tsukishima’s bleary-eyed frown and lethargy. Their sleep schedule suffers for it, but their day is just a little brighter.

They visit each other, on weekends where they have more time than sense.

Tsukishima comes to love the city lights of Tokyo, twinkling and vast, and the sheer enormity of a city in which he becomes a speck of dust in the crowd, a city that lets him be free and do all the things he’s always wanted to do but been too afraid to. (He learns that in the big city of Tokyo, no one bats an eye at two teenagers woozy and wandering the streets buoyed on liquor, and he truly comes to love the city with all his heart.) He comes to love the efficient transport network, the 24/7 _conbinis_ at every turn, and sneaking into theatres at midnight and watching Kuroo sob, and Kuroo laugh, Kuroo entranced, and Kuroo dozing on his shoulder.

Kuroo comes to love the hush of Sendai, away from the endless chatter and bustle of Tokyo that cloisters him and leaves him clawing for air, and so he takes respite in a sleepy town where his footfall echoes in the street and the world goes silent by 9PM. (On the floor of Tsukishima’s room, the quiet envelops him, and he drifts off to sleep more easily than he has in years.) He comes to love the fresh air that cleanses his lungs of city fumes, the novelty of rice fields and bike paths and sprawling greenery. He comes to love the freedom of biking up and down rolling hills with the wind in his hair and Tsukishima behind him laughing in the breeze and holding on tight.

 

 

 

Kuroo knows that Tsukishima can be aloof and cold, spitting out caustic remarks that can _burn_. But when with Kuroo, he laughs freely and earnestly, indulges him when Kuroo slings an arm around his shoulder, leans in too close or allows his fingers to linger for a touch too long.

 _(Kuroo doesn’t want to hope,_ and yet. _)_

Tsukishima knows that Kuroo wears a mask of casualness, made up of cat-like grins and a practiced slouch. But when with Tsukishima, he grins widely and with his eyes alight, is excitable and without reservation when he drags Tsukishima from one side of the city to another.

 _(Tsukishima doesn’t want to hope,_ and yet. _)_

 

 

 

****

 

 

 

They come to know each other like the lines of their palms.

Their time together grows scarce as Kuroo approaches graduation, but it becomes all the more precious; they indulge in evening picnics as the sun turns soft and clementine-orange, grass tickling their legs and food warm and pleasant in their bellies, and they bike up to lookout points on Kuroo’s rickety old bike and watch the stars twinkle above them. To Tsukishima these days feel like a dream, or some conjured-up bliss from his bed in winter mornings or under the _kotatsu_ on cold nights that will snap back to reality at any moment, but they are undeniably real when Kuroo interlocks their hands and swing it between them with gaiety. Tsukishima loves these days dearly, holds them in a special part of his heart, even if he never says it outright.

When they are at Tsukishima’s door and loathe to part, Kuroo will grin cheekily and toothily. 'I never took you to be such a _romantic_ , Tsukki.’

The door will slam resolutely shut in his face just to prove a point, but not before a lingering touch and whispered _'see you soon'_ , and it's more of an admission than anything else. It's just one of the things Kuroo comes to learn about Tsukishima, of many more.

 

 

 

**~~~~**

 

 

 

Ever since leaving for university, Kuroo seems determined to bring Tsukishima one of every single existing species of flowers. He never arrives empty-handed, always holding a bouquet of _something_ in his arms when he rings the doorbell (or, alternatively, when he launches rocks at Tsukishima’s window at midnight and leaves dents and scratches all over his window). Roses, daisies, peonies, sunflowers and lavenders become well-loved guests in the Tsukishima household, rendering the air fragrant and sweet, and leaving endless petals in their wake as a lingering trace of Kuroo’s presence. 

 _(‘I hate flowers,’ Tsukishima had told Kuroo on their second official date, when he arrived with a large bouquet of red roses the size of Tsukishima’s head and a smug grin as if he was some sort of romance_ maestro _. 'They leave a mess everywhere and die after, like, two days.'_

_But Kuroo had not been deterred and continues to bring them every time, and so Tsukishima continues to accept them, every time.)_

He doesn't know how to name what they have, doesn't think the right word for it exists. His heart doesn't pound out of his chest when he sees Kuroo at his door grinning like a child, and his hands don't get sweaty when Kuroo intertwines their fingers tenderly as if the entire _world_ is in Tsukishima’s palms. He doesn't feel his world implode in the wake of some grand epiphany, but understanding and acceptance come quietly, a breeze that leaves his heart shifting gently like wind chimes in the summer air. He revels in the warmth of a body next to his and light kisses peppered all over his face, taking whatever Kuroo wants to give and giving back all that he can.

He doesn't know how to name what they have, but it feels precious when he cradles it in his hands, and he doesn’t think he ever wants to let it go.

 

 

 -

 

 

Hinata will gape, when Tsukishima opens his bag and an autumn downpour of chocolates and rose petals and handwritten notes clatter out of his bag onto the classroom floor in front of his entire class.

  _('Tsukki-sama, your sharp gaze gets my heart pounding xoxoxoxoxo.' Tsukishima rolls his eyes as he chucks the notes in the trash, because honestly, doesn't Kuroo-san have better things to do? He glances at another. 'Take care of yourself, moonshine.' And, well, if Tsukishima slips a few notes here and there into his pocket, no one needs to know.)_

' _Uwoooooh?!_ I can't believe Tsukishima has a girlfriend!' Hinata beams, starry-eyed and awestruck at the very idea of it.

 _That's definitely not right_ , Tsukishima thinks, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

 

 

 

Tsukishima checks his phone on the walk home, and something imperceptible must shift in his expression. His face must twitch, or his feet must slow, or his mouth must quirk up a micrometre, or _something_ , because Yamaguchi will pick up on it and snicker into his hand.

'Something from your _boyfriend_ , Tsukki?' he grins, making abhorrent kissy faces and snickering even harder when Tsukishima looks absolutely aghast.

'Shut up, Yamaguchi.'

 _Boyfriend, huh?_ It doesn't sound right either, feels too heavy and tastes thick and sickly sweet on his tongue.

 

 

 

It's Akiteru who makes the pieces fall into place. When he comes home and sees Tsukishima making his rounds, watering the flowers and moving some into the shade and some into the sunlight with practiced ease, and he can’t help but be happy for his little brother, as Tsukishima touches them idly with a soft smile on his face.

'I’m glad he makes you happy,' Akiteru says suddenly from behind him, and Tsukishima jumps and drops the watering can, water sloshing at his feet.

But he’s right. Of course he's right.

 

 

 -

 

 

'You make me really happy, Kuroo-san,' he says, when he opens the front door to see Kuroo standing there, a bouquet of gardenias in one hand and an umbrella in the other, a peaceful smile gracing his lips as he looks up at the overcast sky, as if Tsukishima’s doorstep is the only place he ever wants to be, in spite of the long train ride and the downpour soaking through the shoulders of his jacket and pooling around his shoes.

Kuroo tilts his head, and his eyes wander back to Tsukishima. 'What was that, moonshine? Hard to hear you over the rain.' But his eyes sparkle with mirth and mischief, his smile wide.

 _I know you that you already know, asshole._ Tsukishima thinks. _But I want you to hear it, anyway._

'I _said_ ,' Tsukishima flushes rosy pink as he shouts into the downpour, 'that you make me really happy, Kuroo-san!'

And Kuroo laughs as though Tsukishima has said the most obvious thing in the world – _The rain is heavy today_ or _A little cold, isn’t it?_ – and it’s not a typical confession by any means; the magical words are never said and there is no shocking revelation, only an admission of they have known since that very first summer.

But when Kuroo drops to one knee in the pouring rain, kissing the back of Tsukishima’s hand and each of his fingertips, Tsukishima thinks that this is all he'll ever need.

 

 

 

**~~~~**

 

 

 

Tsukishima grows even taller in his final year of high school, and it is a source of great agony for Kuroo.

  _(‘What did you say, Kuroo-san? I couldn't hear you from down there,’ Tsukishima leers, and oh, how Kuroo wants to wipe, or kiss, that smug grin off his face.)_

But Tsukishima’s chin settles on Kuroo’s hair when they hug, and he is able to feel soft hair tickling his jaw and inhale the scent of green apple shampoo, and Kuroo’s hands instinctively loop themselves around Tsukishima’s waist to pull him closer and bury his face in the junction between Tsukishima’s shoulder and neck, peppering kisses against porcelain skin and revelling in his warmth.

It's not all bad, really.

 

 

 

**~~~~**

 

 

 

 _Tsukki_ becomes _Kei_ as the heat haze leaves their limbs heavy and their lips loose. _Kuroo-san_ becomes _Kuroo_ as the leaves cascade to the ground in a patchwork of red and orange, _Kuroo_ becomes _Tetsurou_ as their breaths become clouds of angel dust in the morning air and _Tetsurou_ becomes _Tetsu_ as the snow melts and paves the way for flowers to bloom.

They find their favourite places in each other; for all they know about each other after years of friendship and standing on the precipice of something _more_ , it is a new experience for them to be able to touch each other so freely, and it is a luxury they both savour.

Tsukishima’s hands carve themselves a space at the nape of Kuroo’s neck, where he can soak up the ever-present warmth that Kuroo radiates like sunshine, threading his fingers through tufts of unruly black hair and feeling Kuroo soften and melt into his touch.

Kuroo’s hands find their place on Tsukishima’s cheeks, stroking his thumbs against the soft milky skin cupped in his palms, kissing Tsukishima’s eyelids and the tip of his nose, taking delight in the feeling of cheeks growing hot and turning rosy beneath his fingertips.

Times passes, and they experience happiness with each other, just as they always have: Kuroo stepping off the train and a smile eclipsing his entire face when he spots Tsukishima dozing on a seat but always, _always_ waiting for him, the summer sun bearing down on the backs of their necks and them carving their own corner of the world into the streets of Sendai, Tsukishima’s graduation and saying a reverent _goodbye_ and _thank_ _you_ to a place that has changed him so, apartment hunting together and finding _home_ in a quiet side street and on a balcony that faces the sun for Tsukishima’s collection of flowers, their first Tokyo Christmas together where the city sparkles with millions of lights right outside their door, and waking up to each other, and coming home to each other, day after day, and day after day.

 

 

 

**~~~~**

 

 

 

Tsukishima wakes to see the soft morning sunlight feathered over Kuroo’s cheekbones and shoulders, their curtains blowing gently in the breeze, Kuroo’s hands entwined with his, and Tsukishima is awash with the wonder of it all.

'I love you,' he whispers into Kuroo’s mass of hair as he sleeps, peaceful and oblivious, and the words dissipate into the morning air without a trace.

 

 

There's no rush - they have time, and all the love in the world to give.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> extra: 
> 
> On occasion, Kuroo’s quest leads him to strange situations. 
> 
> 'Spider lilies?' Tsukishima asks, thoroughly aghast. ‘Kuroo-san, do you know what these even mean?' 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Or when Kuroo leaves an ordinary-looking enough bouquet in Tsukishima’s room and it's only later that he realises that, god, he's doomed, he's going to die, he's going to leave this earth in his own room surrounded by Jurassic Park posters and flowers that stink of manure. 
> 
> Kei (14:32): these smell DISGUSTING. are you trying to kill me so that we don't beat your old team at nationals?  
> Kuroo Tetsurou (14:35): ;) ;) ;) 
> 
> (They win anyway, in spite of Kuroo’s murderous plot, and when he hurtles down to scoop Tsukishima up and twirl him in his arms, Nekoma has the sense to look thoroughly betrayed. Kenma has a photo of it with Lev slack-jawed in the background. Kuroo has it proudly set as his wallpaper.)


End file.
